Forget Me Not

Summary: He tries his hardest to make everything in order so that when he is gone, he would not be missed and it would not hurt the others as much as the sickness has hurt him. Yet, when he is gone he is missed the most. 

Characters/Pairings: Yasuda/Õkura (Romes), Yasuda/Subaru (Yasuba), Yasuda/Nishikido (YasuRyo)

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,163

Disclaimer: I do not own Kanjani8 and nor do I have any affiliation with them.

Warning: Character Death

Prompt: Secret

He is the kind that cannot see a person suffer. He would take them away. He is the kind that would never worry anyone. He would just keep everything to himself. He is gentle. He is innocent. He is just without a single bad bone in his body. All he could do now is to see him being carried lifelessly on the stretcher.

He hated himself for not seeing the signs. He hated himself for not listening. He hated himself for being too selfish. If only now he could tell him, how much he cares. How much he loves him. It is all too late now.

If only he had went into the bath together as they used to do. If only he had thank him earlier. If only he had sat down with him at the coffee shop that morning. If only he had not been listening to the MP3 so much, he might have realized it.

“Baru, take care of the eito’s. Don’t let them drift apart, okay.” Was the last thing he had said to him. Shibutani was not sure why he had said such things to himself. He was not sure why his best friend had been saying weird things lately. “It’d be nice if Hiro is let back with us, no? At least you and Ryo wouldn’t have to strain your voice so much when I can’t sing.”

*******

It was the last concert they had for their tour. Maybe it was fatigue, it could also be the late nights they had been playing pranks on each other. Yasuda was far quieter than usual. He was not jumping up and down as much as he used to. His voice remains as loud, though. He always said the fans always gave him the energy to move on even when he is not feeling so good. The wide smile plastered on his face throughout the concert but they lack their usual sparkle.

During their final bow, Nishikido stood beside Yasuda. “Daijoubu ka?” He asked quietly covering his microphone. His hand was icy to the touch and trembling a little. Yasuda just nodded.

It was at the stairs where he said quietly to Nishikido. “Pretend like nothing happens. I can’t feel my legs.” Yasuda spoke softly as he hung his arm around Nishikido’s shoulders. “Arigatou na Ryo.” He said as he laid his heavy head on the couch. He can feel his over-stressed body screaming at him, laughing telling him that he should rest.

Only that they did not know he was going to rest forever. “I don’t feel right.” Okura spoke suddenly to Shibutani. “We should not just leave Shota in the dressing room sleeping like that.” He said while they were already nearing the car park. While the others just ignored him, he went back in to see to the older guy.

“Shota!” Okura loud voice shocked the rest of the eitos. Instantly they went back running to Okura’s side. Okura was already cradling the gasping Yasuda’s head as the blood streaming from his ears seeped onto his white t-shirt.

Yasuda balled his hand into a fist as he struggled for air and he fought to speak. “Minna, keep this quiet. Don’t tell anyone especially Hiro-kun. Let him finish his job before knowing about me.” He said worrying about the younger boy. He has always been worried about Uchi. “Arigatou na, minna.” He said with his last breath.

*******

Minna, gomen na. For leaving you halfway. Arigatou for everything and every memory we had shared.

Maru-chan, you were right to tell me to find help for my headache, I refuse not because I don’t value your judgment, but because I was afraid of what the doctor might say.

Ryo-chan. Now that I’m gone, don’t bully my Baru and Tacchon so much.

Tacchon. You have a great instinct, belief in yourself more.

Murakami and Yokocho. Gomen for all the trouble I have caused the both of you over the years and thank you for all that you have thought me.

Baru. Well, what can I say to you except arigatou. Honma ni arigatou.

Minna, please don’t tell anything to Uchi-kun until he wraps his stage show. Tell him I’ll be watching him from now on. 

-Shota-

*******

It was the next morning of the day after that Nishikido received a call from Uchi. He asked to connect him to Yasuda. Apparently, his phone had been turned off since the night before. He had been trying to call Yasuda since he wrapped his show the night before.

“He’s no longer with us, Uchi.” Nishikido tried to explain.

Uchi suspected Yasuda would not talk to him because of the incident that happened right after he was suspended. He had said pretty bad things to his friend. Not once he apologizes for it. Yasuda never took it personally.

Tears streaming down his face as he drove to Nishikido’s apartment where Yasuda sometimes bunk in after concerts or whenever he needed a friend. “Ryo, please let me see him. Please. I need to see him.” Uchi’s voice cracked.

Nishikido just kept quiet as he laid his hand on Uchi’s shoulder. “He can’t be dead. Tell me this is a joke.” Uchi said shoving the older guy. Nishikido still kept quiet. “He can’t be dead Ryo. I saw him last night. I saw him watching my show. He came. He said he would come and he came.” Uchi pressed. Nishikido just nodded. “Say something dammit.”

“He told us not to tell you until your play is over. He said he’d be watching over you from now on.” Nishikido spoke. Uchi was left speechless as he fell on his knees sobbing.

*******

Shibutani stared at a series of picture of himself with Yasuda together. “You promise me forever. You betrayed me. Why would you lie.” Shibutani screamed at the picture. “Why would you leave me.” He demanded over and over again. Rocking his body back and forth as tears streamed down his face.

Soft gentle hands wiped his tears. Then it embraced him warmly. Though the touch was not a physical touch but it was enough to calm him down. “You need to be tough through this. At least be tough for me.” Shibutani heard a voice that he recognized as Yasuda’s voice whispered tenderly to him. "Don't forget me."

*******

Okura stared into the emptiness blinking back tears. He had fallen into silence since the day his friend passed on. Among all of them, he might have taken it the hardest. He felt like he was at fault. He had given the older boy a hard time many times before. At times he glances to the now empty room where Yasuda’s room used to be.

He blinked his eyes as tears came streaming down his face. “I’m sorry Shota.” He whispered to the wind as he broke down. 

"All done is done, na Tacchon. Forget me not, na." A voice whispered back to him.

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A/N: I do not own Kanjani8 and Yasuda Shota is still alive and kicking. This is a work of purely fiction and no profit was gained during or after the writing of this fiction.

A/N2: This is to clear up my writer's block (which I don’t think is working anyways) and this is a result of listening to Desire by Shibutani Subaru and Yasuda Shota and TORN by Nishikido Ryo and Okura Tadayoshi on loop…