Hurt

Summary: Yasuda fought alone, but he was never really alone. Not ever.

Characters/Pairings: Shibutani/Yasuda (Yasuba) with appearance of Nishikido and Uchi as well as Kanjani8.

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 1,386

Disclaimer: I do not own Kanjani8 or anyone mentioned in this fiction. I do not own a human. I just own the plot.

Warning: Character death

The soft thud that was constantly banging his head was getting more and more intense lately. At night, alone, tears would stream down his face as he fought against the pain. Against the pain that was slowly taking away his life and the pain of knowing that forever with the person most precious to him is counted.

“Yasu, what’s wrong?” A familiar voice spoke to him as he gathered the courage to face him. Instead of answering Yasuda just shook his head. “It’s me. You know you can tell me anything.” The man said as he sat beside Yasuda. “Something is wrong. Stop this. You are not making anything better. You are making things with the boy even worse by hiding yourself like this.” Nishikido spoke quietly.

The shorter boy just sighed. “I want to quit.” He said suddenly. Nishikido just looked at him questioningly with a surprised face. “I’m serious this time. And no one can tell me to do otherwise anymore.” He spoke with such finality as he stood up.

It was the next day he sat with the group and spoke his mind about quitting the group. Everyone but Shibutani was against it. Shibutani just kept to himself. “What about me?” He asked finally when everyone else had gone their own way for the night. “What about us?” He questioned.

“I’m ending us.” Yasuda said, his voice was void of emotion as he turned around to avoid the older man’s eyes. He could feel his own was pooling with water. Since the day he got to know about it, he had been gathering all his might and courage to prepare for that day. To prepare for that moment. No matter how he rehearsed it, no matter how heartless he tried to be, he just could not do it. He could not end things with his precious one. Not even when his mouth and brain synchronized to say so. His heart was still his.

As he stepped out of the jimusho little cubicle for the seven of them, he could hear the older one crashed on the sofa. He could feel the older one was broken to the point of irreversibility. Yet he knew he had to it that way. He had to hurt everyone in order for them to forget about him.

Two days passed, then two weeks. No sign of Yasuda anywhere. None at all. The date for the concert tour was drawing nearer, and practice was starting. Still, the six of them could not sink in the disappearance of Yasuda. On the eve of his birthday, Shibutani became restless. One day that is most important to him. The one day that marks the two most important events to him and Yasuda, yet still Yasuda did not surface.

Being his usual self, Shibutani was a little moody that day. After the rehearsal was done, quickly he packed his things and went straight to the one place that he knew he would at least could find some lead on Yasuda.

When he arrived at Yasuda’s family house it was closed. No lights were on at all. There was no sign of anyone existed there. “Shibutani-san.” He heard a voice called him as he began to turn towards his car. “Shibutani-san, Yasuda-san asked me to give you this letter, should you have come to find him.” The girl he only knew as Yasuda’s neighbor said to him as she handed him a letter.

“Do you know where had his family moved to?” Shibutani asked as he opened the letter quickly. The young careless girl just shrugged and made her way inside the house.

‘Subaru-kun,

This letter might come as a surprise to you for all you might see after this is not me anymore. Or at least not the me that you had known. It’s either that or I just might cease to exist anymore. I’m sorry if I hurt you and the others on that day. I’m sorry for keeping this from you, to tell you the truth, even my family did not know about it till the day I broke up with the band. And I’m sorry I did not say thank you to you properly. For you were my source of life and strength. You gave me hope, but still, there’s only so much time I have left. Live your life like you have been and just forget about me. Goodbye. Shota’

The short letter read. It felt like thousands, no millions of tiny dagger was jabbing his heart slowly and but over and over again. He could feel his knees gave away as he sank to the hard concrete floor. Crumbling slowly.

It was not till the next day when he entered the already filled office he realized what was really going on. The man he was longing for. The one he loves too much was there. But he was not alone. And he was not like he once knew. Accompanied by the girl he knew from before as Yasuda’s adopted sister, Yasuda looked too thin. Too frail. He could not even walk on his own.

Yet being the man he was, the stubborn man he was, he was still on his feet. Being the man he was, Yasuda was still smiling, he was still bringing a smile on everyone’s face. “I’ll be fine with them now. Just tell mother, I’ll be back a little late tonight.” He said as she nodded and left her brother with the others. Gradually everyone else was also dispersed leaving only the eight of them inside the cramped office.

It was the first time he saw something that he never seen before in either Uchi or Nishikido. Uchi being the youngest was clinging to Yasuda as if he would never let the elder one go again as his head rested on Yasuda’s once muscular shoulder. Nishikido was leaning his head on Yasuda’s knee and having Yasuda’s hand in his. Beside Yasuda, their eyes were wet from crying. Still clueless, Shibutani neared the thinning man.

“Please tell me it’s a lie.” He begged. “Tell me that everything that I have heard is just a story you’re working on.” Shibutani said in denial. Yasuda just gave him as soft smile as he wiped the tear of the youngest boy in the room.

He too wanted to cry. He too never wanted this to happen to him. Life had left him with no other choice other than giving in to his fate. “Six months ago I prayed to still be alive today just to be with you for the last time.” He said with a soft voice. “Six months ago, I was given three months to live. Also, six months ago, I was given the time of my life.” Yasuda spoke.

Almost two hours had passed when the other was forced to take a leave and leave Yasuda to be alone with Shibutani. Shibutani wrapped the thinning man in a blanket as they sat outside on the park bench together staring at nothing with the stars that accompanied them. Yasuda leaned his head softly on Shibutani’s chest.

A smile began to form on his face as he felt the warm hand of the elder boy caressed his balding head and tracing the scar that was a result of the operation he had had earlier. “Why did you keep this from all of us?” Shibutani asked suddenly.

“Why would I burden you more than I have had? It’s better for me to endure it alone.” Yasuda replied.

“I mean that little to you?” The older spoke again as he gently wrapped his hands around the younger one. Yasuda just shook his head.

“Because you meant that much to me.” Yasuda spoke. The two of them then just let the silence embrace them as they enjoy each other’s company. Concentrating hard on Yasuda’s breathing, Shibutani tightens his embrace on the younger boy. “I love you.” Yasuda spoke quietly as he struggled to stay alive without Shibutani realizing.

Droplets of tears dropped on Yasuda’s skin as he breathed his last breath and his head bobbed to one side. Yet he was still in the warm embrace of Shibutani. “You were the one who gave me life, love.” He whispered to the limped figure in his embrace.