Why?

Summary: A sequel to Letting Go, but it could be read as a stand-alone fiction (one-shot) as well. 

At time, death could take you by surprise even when you knew eventually it would come sooner or later. Yet when the time comes letting go is the hardest part.

Characters/Pairings: Takaki/Arioka (TaDaiki)

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,644

Disclaimer: I do not own Hey!Say!Jump. I just like to torture Takaki Yuya because he’s my little Kansai Gummybear… 

Warning: Character death

The space seemed to be empty. As empty as his heart was. He stared at the emptiness for the longest time. His legs just would not listen to him. It would not budge from the place. A tear rolled down inadvertently. “Why?” A whisper escaped his lips. He was not expecting for a reply yet, his heart aches to hear his voice just once more. The childish laughter. The silly voice that he likes to mock.

The taller boy often sat in the lounge alone. Detached. Knowing him for so long, He knew the older boy does not want to be disturbed. But then again, the younger ones would always disrupt him anyways. Yet never had he seen the older boy, not even once ignored the younger ones. He was always the big brother. He took care of everything. He was always there. Even when he was in pain. He hid everything from everyone.

He felt his knees gave away as he slid down on the tiled floor. Hugging his knees close to his chest, he rested his forehead on his knees. A familiar smell flew by him. The smell that he yearn for days. The smell that made him feels safe.

He closed his eyes as memories of the older boy came flooding in his brain. Flashes of him since the day they met till the last night he spent holding his little precious friends in his arms protecting them to his last breath. “Takaki, please come back to me. I need you more than ever now.” He heard himself spoke. “Yuto, Yuri, even Keito misses you. Why did you leave us? Why? Why leave us at this peak? When success is achieved. You were there through the hardship, why couldn’t you wait just a little longer to feel the sweetness?” He was almost shouting.

The night was not as cold as the night before yet Takaki had his jacket wrapped up snuggly on his body. He was eating less and he was often spacing out. He sat himself beside the older boy as he looks at him silently. “What?” Takaki spoke. His voice quivered. He just replied by shaking his head. “What is it Dai-chan?” He asked again with gentler voice.

Again he just shook his head. “They’ve been teasing you about your height again?” Takaki guessed. He was spot on. “You know no matter how much you sulk about it or no matter how angry you become, they will not stop. They will just…” Takaki froze mid-sentence. His hand balled into a fist as if he was holding back a painful episode. He squeezed his eyes shut as he controlled his breathing. He was definitely in pain.

“What’s wrong?” Arioka questioned instantly. Takaki just forced a smile shaking his head. “You don’t have to take care of us all the time you know. Ryu is already fourteen, but you keep treating him like he’s four. You didn’t sleep for nights taking care of him and Kei. What about you? What if you fall sick?”

“Yuyan.” Both of them heard Chinen high pitch shriek from the living room. “Yuyan, Ryosuke scratched his leg fighting with Keito. Eyuuuu~ there’s blood.” The little one said as he pulled the older one inside. Without a question, he would entertain all five kids. How was he able to do it was still a mystery.

“What happens when you fall sick Yuya? Who took care of you?” Arioka whispered painfully.

It was just another routine practice. Takaki had been having a high fever for two days, The clinic said it was just a flu. Yet he was fussing about Inoo. It was before everyone knew about Inoo. It was back when the pale boy depended on everything on Takaki. He only stopped acting tough when he was about to black out.

Even then only Nakajima and himself that occasionally went into the room checking up on him. That was until he shooed them out. He kept his pain only to himself. He would share his happiness but never his pain. Arioka could hear his painful moan from outside the infirmary, yet when anyone was to see him, he would always say he was fine.

“If I promise never to fight with Kota again, will you come back? Will you wake me up from this nightmare?” Arioka demanded.

He had no interest what so ever with the man in the mask fighting a monster three times his size. At least, Nakajima, Okamoto and Chinen were enjoying them. Yabu’s high pitch voice was obviously louder compared to Arioka’s whiny one. The four of them groaned as the two kept on bickering about a subject that was not at all important. It was just a hobby, Yabu used to say.

“You know if one of you were to be a girl, you both would suit the role of a middle-aged husband and wife perfectly.” Takaki teased as a punch landed on his shoulder. He winced in pain but a smile still glued on his face, covering the pain. Arioka could have sworn he saw tears were pooling making the other’s eyes glassy.

“Why keep it a secret? Why wouldn’t you share your pain with us? Why do you have bear you pain alone while taking care of others so well? Why can’t you even tell me the truth?” Tears could not stop streaming down his face anymore. He did not care if anyone came in through the door at that moment. “You of all people deserve this life more than anyone.”

It is a rare occurrence to see tears ran down his chubby cheeks. The pain must have been overbearing at that point, yet he would not show his pain to anyone. He was in the furthest corner of the dressing room where he was invisible. If it was not for the painful groans, Arioka would not find him either.

“Yuya?” Arioka questioned. He did not answer. For the first time, he did not answer. Or more like he could not answer. The older boy was curled up, trembling in pain. His face was pale, paler than Inoo had ever been. “Yuya, what’s going on?”

“My bag.” Takaki said through gritted teeth. His voice was so small Arioka could barely hear his instruction. Instead, he just went blindly through Takaki’s bag and produced the pill bottles one by one. In the midst of tenths of orange bottles in his bag, only two had his name on it. With trembling hands, he placed one of the pills under his tongue.

The effect was not immediate. Watching him in that state broke Arioka’s heart into pieces. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” Was the first thing that came out of Takaki’s mouth when the pain eased a little making it more bearable for him. Even then, he was completely worn out. Gasping for air, like he had just ran a full marathon. “Are you okay?” Takaki questioned. Even then, he was worried about everyone else but himself.

It was later into the night when no one was awake, Takaki sat alone on the porch staring at the stars. Before that, he had tucked Chinen in bed, cared for Inoo and Nakajima who fell and hurt his ankle. Arioka sat quietly beside him joining him for star gazing. “I’m sorry for earlier, I must have over exerted myself. And thank you.” He said quietly.

“What is wrong with your heart?” Arioka asked bluntly. Takaki just smiled. “My grandfather used to do the same with his heart medication. So don’t tell me it’s nothing. It was a heart attack.” He was fuming at that point. Takaki did not reply instead he just wrapped his arms tighter across his chest. “Takaki.” Arioka became annoyed by his tough guy act and grabbed his shoulders as he turned the older boy to face him.

“Itai, itai, itai.” Takaki reacted. Immediately Arioka removed his hand. “Fine. But you have to keep this from anyone. Not one soul is to know.” He said seriously. Arioka mumbled his promise. “I’m not supposed to be alive.” He spat out. Arioka began to cut in but Takaki stopped him. “Just let me finish.” He spoke. Arioka nodded. “I was born with a hole in my heart. Somehow I manage to cross the the five years line. Then the doctors said I am just like other kids, the hole was not there anymore.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “You remember there was a month while we were still in J.J.Express, that I was missing?” He questioned. Arioka nodded. “My chest started to hurt again during dances, but it was nothing much, the doctors said I might just have an anxiety attack, and I began to be able to cope with the pain. I guess I was around seventeen, around the 7 time, that we went to the fortune teller. I was shocked when she looked at me the first time. I knew what she was going to say, but I didn’t want to scare the little ones. I’m not supposed to be alive, Daiki, but here I am. I’m living on borrowed time. Not even the doctors know what is wrong with my heart.”

“But you knew perfectly well what was wrong. You knew perfectly well, but you refused to tell us. To tell me.” Arioka screamed as he slammed his hand on the door frame. Only his hand never hit them. Something caught them. Protecting them from getting hurt.

“Because I can’t bear to see you heartbroken seeing me in pain.” The warm wind sounded in his ears. “Daiki, I love you, I’ll always be with you, I may not exist physically, but I’ll always be by your side.” The familiar scent then gradually disperses into thin air. “I’ve always love you the most.”